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The best thing about smoking marijuana for the first time, is that, it is a “gateway drug”. So, sooner or later, if you’re focused and determined, you’ll advance to a much more stimulating, energetic, and entertaining, narcotic…that you snort.

(Disclaimer: this joke was written in 2017, 1 year before I went to rehab…please do not “gateway” to anything)

Two weeks ago my wife forgot my birthday…I didn’t mind, just a mental lapse, I still love her unconditionally…but we’re now even, because last Saturday for $500 and 2 hours, I forgot I was married.

You know you have a drug problem when you’re out with your 2 best friends at a bar, and one of those 2 friends pulls out a couple grams of cocaine in a little bag. Then the other friend looks at that friend that brought the coke, and pulls out a bag in his pocket. Then while looking at me, nodded their heads no, and in unison said, “Hey we’re sorry, we shouldn’t have brought coke out in front of you, we weren’t thinking.” The fucked up thing was, no time did I ever say I needed help, or thought I was at “rock bottom”, and granted I did go to rehab a year later, they were the ones with one of the most addicting Schedule 2 narcotics in their pockets.

In the last 2 months I have watched so much Brazilian anal porn, that whenever I’m really excited or in a lot of pain, my wife wonders why I can speak fluent Portuguese.

So I did a little research, well kind of a lot of research…and saw that the average porn movie is 1hr and 30 minutes…I never knew that. I had thought the running time for every movie was 4 minutes, because I have never watched more than 4 minutes of every movie. I think they could cut a lot of overhead by deleting 86 minutes of a 90 minute film.

So I think the hardest thing for me in recovery is gaining the trust back from close friends, and loved ones…because right now, no one believes a word I say…for instance, I was addicted to cocaine, and painkillers for the past 16 years…my mother, insists, it was 17.

I think as a cat owner…cats definitely undeservedly, have a bad reputation. Sure they usually will not greet you at the front door after a long day’s work, like a dog will. Some might never show you love…but not my cat…after not feeding Corleone for 4 days, he follows me everywhere.