After my wife and I got married, she moved in with me, which became “our” home. The first night she wanted to cook a romantic dinner for us. While boiling water for asparagus, I looked over her shoulder to see what she was cooking, and startled her, she quickly turned around, stabbing my hand with a fork. I bleed into the boiling water…dinner was canceled. A week later, we had to take our cat to the vet, he had lice. A week after that, we had to remove a hornets nest above our front door. A couple of days after that we had a power outage, total darkness for over a week. Right after that, my beloved ferret fell ill and passed away. I don’t have children so I considered him my firstborn. These are not irreconcilable differences, these are 5 of 10 deadly plagues in the Bible. If I see a frog or locust outside I’m getting the fuck out.

Water into blood ✅
Frogs
Lice ✅
Flies ✅
Livestock pestilence
Boils
Hail
Locusts
Darkness ✅
Firstborn death ✅