When I was 10 years old, my parents argued so much, I thought it was just a matter of time before a divorce. So I started ranking how bad each argument was before they got one, so it would allow me enough time to be nicer to the parent that I wanted to live with. This is how I scored arguments. I’m half German on my mom’s side. When I turned 6, she sent me to a German school on the weekends, so by 10, I spoke German. My religion, I practice Judaism, on my dad’s side. After they would have a fight, they would always go to separate rooms in the house. I then followed my mom, wait till she was inside, then storm through the door and yell, “Ich Ben politzei! Wo versteckt sich dein Jude?” Which translates to “I’m the police, Where are you hiding your Jew?” If my mother slapped me across the face, I’d be so happy, low score, wasn’t a bad argument…but if my German mother pointed to where my Jewish father was hiding, I’d start crying, high score, very bad argument.